Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
