The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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