i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
