Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
