I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I checked into jail on foursquare
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
