apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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