This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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