so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
