I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
