mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
