Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
