making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
