i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
