Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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