you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
