dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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