Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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