you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
