Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
