She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
