HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
