Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're a waste of cheezeits
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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