And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
