At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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