my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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