ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
