Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
