plz talk dirty to me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
