i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
