u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
