Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
