I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
