i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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