This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
