i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
