and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How does one acquire holy water?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
