Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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