Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Your penis caused this!
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