so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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