If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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