hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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