for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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