Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
