My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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