how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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