How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
