Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
