I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
