this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
