Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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