You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
