508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
