I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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