is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
