we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
