My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
