I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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