I hate your face
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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