omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
