very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
