She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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