I love black thongs
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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