Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
