I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
