11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
