A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
