god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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