Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
