And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And then he peed in my hair
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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