Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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