so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
