Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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