Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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