the condom got lost in my hair
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude. I can hear the air.
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