so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my being single is dangerous.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
