and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
