I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
