Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize