also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You can't special order awesome
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
