I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
