Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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